So when I drive on the military base, sometimes they make me breathe into the breathalyzer thingie– “Command-authorized sobriety check, Ma’am.” No problem for me, of course, except for my inability to think of a joke other than that same old one about “just coffee breath,” which, come to think of it, really isn’t funny. I should cut that out.

So today the kids were in the car with me and this occurs. I crack the same bad joke as always, he courtesy laughs and waves sober mom on. Afterwards, the following conversation ensued:

Claire: Mommy, why’d he make you blow on that thing?

Me: Because he wanted to make sure Mommy hasn’t been drinking any alcohol and then driving.

Claire: Cuz that’s dangerous, right?

Me: Yes, honey, that’s very dangerous. If someone drinks alcohol, they can’t drive.

Claire: Violeta [our nanny] drinks a lot of alcohol.

Me: [horrified!] WHAT? What are you talking about, Claire?

Claire: Violeta can’t drive. [She can’t drive–never learned. Never learned to swim either.]

Me: [Takes me a second to see what has happened here, then I laugh hysterically for a good two minutes and make a few clarifications.]

Hope you enjoy this half as much as I did! 🙂