We All Fall Down

I am a constant almost-faller. As in, I almost-fall quite often, several times a day. I easily trip over random items, over my own feet, over other peoples’ feet, and sometimes over nothing at all. It makes me laugh when I’m with someone new and I almost-fall, and they are so concerned, “Are you okay?” I’m fine! This happens all the time! It’s just who I am, an almost-faller!

But a couple days ago, I actually fell. This happens every couple years. The actual falling. It was a rainy day and I was carrying a heavy and large new computer monitor down some wet concrete stairs on base, and at the bottom of the steps, I miscalculated how many steps I had left. And I fell right into a gigantic puddle, absolutely drenching myself and hurling the brand new monitor into the puddle with me (it’s fine–I’m staring at it right now.) Now if there’s ever a time to see what’s really in a person’s heart, it’s when something like this happens to them, which is why, upon reflection, I am concerned upon my response. First of all, I uttered “Crap! Crap! Crap!” about 10 times really fast (yes, that really is my dirtiest dirty word.) Not so ladylike. But then there were about 5 people who tried to help me up, tried to pick up the monitor for me, asked me if I was okay, etc., and here’s where I screwed up. I wouldn’t let anyone help me! In fact, I didn’t even make eye contact with them, and felt a bit agitated at their “Are you okay?”s. Just pretend you didn’t see that! That would make me feel better. There was a guy who just insisted on helping me with the monitor, and I begrudgingly let him (only because I seemed to have sprained both my ankles and my pants were soaking wet), and he kindly put the monitor in the back of my van. But I couldn’t tell you what he looked like for $100 because I was so embarrassed that I didn’t even look the guy in the eye when I muttered my red-faced, “Thank you.”

So because I think about myself entirely too much apparently, I’ve been thinking about what all that says about me, about whether I respond this way anytime I fall. (Like the other kinds of falling, the kind that happens a whole lot more than bi-annually.) Do I try to pretend it didn’t happen, even when I’m soaking wet? Yeah, sometimes. Am I annoyed at the people who saw me fall, and even irked that they would ask me how I am rather then just courteously passing on by? Um, yeah. What the heck is wrong with me? Well, after a few days of reflection and pondering (and more than a few OTC pain pills and band-aids and elevated, iced ankles), I think I’ve figured it out.

I am a woman full of pride.

Good thing I’m only 32. Plenty of work to do on this one still.

About cashclan

Lisa is a grateful, born-again follower of Jesus Christ who has spent her adult life on the Gospel in several global contexts. She is the wife of one wonderful, jungle-gym of a man, who is to her the single most ravishing piece of flesh on planet earth (stolen good-heartedly from Christine Caine). She is a dedicated home educator to their four beautiful children, ages 6 to 12, whom she would be happy to gush over any time. She is an avid reader and a storyteller, an aspiring writer, a missionary to the nations and a singer of His praises, a loyal friend, an obsessive-compulsive Googler, and comedienne extraordinaire on her best days. She would also like to think that she is a loyal and loving, truth-telling friend.
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2 Responses to We All Fall Down

  1. starrcliff says:

    Totally with you on this one. Both the physical falling (I also average a bi-annual crash to the earth), and eyes down, don’t-look-at-me reaction to figurative “falling.”

    Oh…and if I had seen you fall I would still be laughing. I know it’s wrong, but I’m diseased that way.

    • I totally thought of you when it happened for some reason–about how you and your mom always laugh at stuff like that. 🙂 (I was so into my shell at that moment, I probably wouldn’t have even noticed if someone HAD laughed!)

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