I don’t know how to deal with tough crowds. Somehow, I’ve learned over the years to turn just about anything into something at least a little bit funny, sometimes a lot funny, and in awkward situations, at least, my funny is almost always followed by this very particular “buffer” laugh I somehow inherited from being best friends with a lovely girl named Starr for nearly 2 decades now. But there are some people who don’t get jokes, and it just baffles me. Except my mom–it just makes me love her more that she can’t get jokes 70% of the time. But strangers, I don’t like it when you don’t get my jokes. I mean, I’m funny! Get my jokes!

So this morning I called the school because today is the big book fair, and Claire was supposed to have received a gift certificate for entering this little piece of perfection into a school-wide contest. So I called the school and the VERY DRY and kind of slow-talking (/thinking? I’m MEAN, I’m sorry!) school secretary answers the phone (God, please don’t let her be a secret fan of this blog! Nah! She’d never appreciate my brand!) Okay, so I told her the situation and I asked her point blank, “Who would know something about Claire’s gift certificate?”

LONG PAUSE.

Then she said, “Dr. Suess…………………………………………………….” (Obviously thinking, scanning the hard drive of her mind for the answer to my question.)

LONG, LONG PAUSE.

And I couldn’t help myself. I happily retorted back, “Oh. he died years ago, and even if he hadn’t, I’m sure I’d never be able to get in touch with him.”

She didn’t laugh. Not even a giggle. Some people. Instead, she dryly answered that she’d send out a mass email to find out the answer to my question.

These are the people I just can’t bring myself to be friends with in any shape or form, even though that’s mean of me.

Oh, why do I tell the whole world my dirty little secrets?